Intoxication
by lunivers
Summary: Ritsu talked more when he was drunk and Takano initially thought it could fill the awkward silences between them. But as days go by, Takano begins to notice a particular pattern of behavior with Ritsu that makes him question his own mental health. TakanoxRitsu
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** Ritsu tended to talk more when he was drunk and Takano initially thought it would simply fill the awkward silences between them. But as days go by, Takano begins to notice a particular pattern of behavior with Ritsu that makes him question his own mental health.

 **Author's Note:** As a huge fan of Nakamura-sensei and as someone who's been reading her work for almost ten years, I've been more than adequately satisfied with her stories and always have been completely enamored with her characters. In my opinion _Sekaiichi Hatsukoi_ delivers the necessary plot and character growth but I guess that being the bitter old me I always crave for… more of the dark side of these characters. Hence, insert alcoholic Ritsu and my cynical perspective of the world; I hope I stay within character and that it's not too awkward for you to read. Long story short- I just hope you enjoy.

Intoxication

" _You talk more when you're drunk."_

Have I… triggered something?

Have I pressured him to becoming someone he wasn't meant to be?

Questions I want to find the answer to- but the way he _changes_ was like night and day. It didn't help that when darkness came over I couldn't resist him and by morning he was always gone.

* * *

"Takano-san," Ritsu spoke softly. "The storyboard is ready for review."

"On my desk." The dark haired figure replied without looking at him. He had his long legs stretched out as he switched the positions of his feet that rested on his table. Ritsu made sure to carefully place the documents away from Takano's boots, in fear that they would get ruined. A part of him wanted to scold Takano-san, for the way he jeopardized some of the manuscripts by putting his coffee beside his feet and explain just how unprofessional he looked in his posture, but Ritsu knew he was in no position to do such a thing.

Besides, Onodera Ritsu was lacking motivation to do just about anything.

"Ricchan," Kisa had called him. "Copies, please? I'll buy you coffee..." Kisa-san looked out of breath as he lifted his head from the desk, and Ritsu moved accordingly. It worked better when someone else was telling him what to do- because it meant Ritsu didn't have to think. And of course, making copies- nothing more menial and meaningless than making copies-

He could feel his mind going blank, if that even was a sensation possible to be feeling, and the low buzzing of the copy machine had begun to sound like deep binaural beats pulsating through a pair of headphones. He was losing focus and it wasn't until Takano gently shook his shoulders for him to come back to reality.

"What's the matter with you? I've been calling you for-"

"T-Takano-san, I'm sorry, I guess I was just spacing out-" He put his head down, clearly ashamed and embarrassed.

"This storyboard," Takano took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Is this the best you can do?"

Ritsu lifted his face only to look away in pain.

"I-I can fix it."

"If you knew it needed to be fixed, why did you bring this to me?"

"B-Because, we were running out of time-"

"You know I hate it when you try to get away with shit by doing a half ass job, Onodera-" It tore Takano to pieces, having to confront Ritsu for reasons he didn't know.

"What the fuck is going on?"

Ritsu had his head down once more and Takano instinctively pulled the brunet into a nearby conference room.

"Onodera, for the last time- if you don't tell me what is happening, there is no way for me to know."

Ritsu pulled away from Takano's grasp and quickly snatched the manuscript in his hand. He bowed as he apologized, "I'm going to fix it. I'm sorry for such mediocrity in my work."

He didn't even turn to face Takano once before closing the door behind him. Ritsu looked so ashamed, so guilty, as he hid himself away from Takano's eyes. It was later that day when Takano returned to his desk after a series of meetings and found out Ritsu had already gone home.

* * *

Takano gathered himself before riding the elevator. He stood in front of his apartment and smoked a cigarette. He felt the need to brace himself- he wasn't sure what he was going to see, but he had a rough idea. It's becoming a month- since Ritsu's sudden decline of …everything. If it were anyone else, Takano knew he would have fired the poor editor. But it wasn't like Ritsu was totally ungifted- he had talent and that much he had already proved. Truth was, no one else was noticing the details- only because Takano had been covering it. So they weren't noticing Ritsu's fuck ups, at least not yet. If the rest of the team found out, let alone Isaka or Yokozawa, he knew he couldn't save Ritsu from keeping his job. He used to be so ambitious. He used to care. But Ritsu was becoming someone so unrecognizable, and not just during the day.

He threw down his cigarette and stepped on it. The days were getting colder and he knew it wouldn't help anyone from the feeling of loneliness, of despair. Why won't Onodera let him in? He cursed to himself and found himself in front of Ritsu's door.

He knocked- and there was no response. It was only ten, and he knew Ritsu wouldn't be sleeping. He banged the door in frustration and again there was no reply. Takano took his phone out and began to formulate a text message- when the door finally opened and Ritsu stood sluggishly in front of Masamune.

"Takano- what do you want?"

He slurred, as he held the knob to balance himself.

Takano pushed the figure to enter his apartment and found bottles of alcohol lying across the living room. Ritsu followed and violently pushed his intruder without hesitation.

"Don't come in here- don't fucking show up like you own this place, like you own me-"

The smell of liquor on his breath- his eyes swollen from the tears- Ritsu looked so skinny, so small, overwhelmed by the depression and the addiction, and all Takano wanted to do was to hold him and to kiss him- tell him that it's okay, that he won't leave him-

But _this_ Ritsu was a different man.

"You're just here because you want to fuck me. You don't care about me- you don't fucking care." He began to shed his clothes and revealed the scars Takano was always so afraid to see. "Here- is this what you want?"

Takano glared.

"I need you to sober up."

Ritsu laughed and approached him. He began to unbutton his shirt.

"I don't need you to _heal_ me, sempai," Ritsu spoke sarcastically. "I don't need your sympathy."

"Onodera!" Takano held his wrist to stop him from seducing him altogether. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Ritsu pulled himself away from Takano's grasp and laughed.

"There is _nothing_ wrong with me. I am in control and you can't take that away from me. Do you think, when you come in here every night to consume me, that I'm some, helpless, lifeless being?" Ritsu grabbed the bottle of liquor and slugged it slowly. "I _let_ you take me, Takano." He wiped his mouth as he kneeled in front of Masamune. "I _let_ you take me apart, piece by piece." Ritsu unzipped Masamune's pants and reached for his member to blow.

"I'm sorry I'm not, what you remembered me as- the innocent, little boy you taught how to kiss," Takano tried to resist but Ritsu had already pushed him against the sofa. "But I know that you still want me."

Ritsu climbed over him and sat across his face. He used his hands to bring Takano to life, as Takano couldn't resist Ritsu's lust. As he ate out Ritsu, the brunet had fully stripped the man underneath him. Takano lifted Ritsu and went to the room to lay him down. The brunet held out his arms and begged to be held as Takano entered his body.

"Don't leave in the morning," Takano begged as he inserted himself again and again. Ritsu moaned but did not reply to his request. Takano continued to pound down on Ritsu as he climaxed and instinctively the brunet held onto Takano's back as he grew in speed. Takano finally came and found Ritsu quietly asleep when he returned from his shower.

It began sometime after the night Takano suggested drinking to make Ritsu talk about whatever was on his mind. The simple suggestion was also the reason why Takano couldn't shake off his guilt- the guilt that Takano knew Ritsu's alcoholic behavior mainly stemmed from Takano's selfish desire for Ritsu to forcibly expose himself and his insecurities. It had been a little over a month since Ritsu had begun drinking and would resort to alcohol whenever he had the chance. The only time for Takano to get a hold of him sober was at Marukawa, but he would rarely remember the nights before. As his alcoholism grew, symptoms of depression manifested and Ritsu was starting to fall apart.

 _Maybe Ritsu wasn't ready- if only I were a little more patient- if I had just waited for him to open up- if I was a little more careful with him-_

Regrets filled his mind as Takano noticed the slit marks across Ritsu's wrists and thighs. He had seen scars before but these were fresh- reddened by the puncture and scabbing from the wound. Why was he so depressed? And why does he resort to sex for comfort, instead of comfort itself?

A part of Takano wanted to hurt himself- not because Ritsu was doing it, but because he couldn't resist it when Ritsu was seducing him. He knew better, than to give in to Ritsu's twisted way of self-deprecation, but he just couldn't stay away. It was wrong- he knew- but he had to feel connected to Ritsu somehow, even if that meant being manipulated into loving him in all the wrong ways.

He held the smaller brunet in his arms. He had dried tear marks across his cheeks but when he slept, he slept like an angel. Takano combed his hair and kissed his swollen eyes- he held onto his body and kissed him all throughout the night.

When he woke up Ritsu was gone.

* * *

When Takano entered the office the phones were already going off. Kisa and Hatori were busy handling multiple lines and Mino was gathering the manuscripts for printing. When asked about Onodera they told Takano that Yokozawa was scolding him in the conference room.

Takano entered the room without hesitation. It was clear something was wrong.

"What's going on?"

"Enough pampering, Takano." Yokozawa was firm. "He's already riding his little coattails and you spoiling him isn't helping."

"I-I'm sorry." Ritsu barely spoke up.

"What happened, Yokozawa?"

"Ask him yourself."

"The printing press is refusing to print anymore copies… They were misinformed about the deadlines."

Takano rubbed his temples as Yokozawa yelled.

"And now sales has to somehow explain the delay and find a way to deliver these invisible copies to the fucking rest of Japan- how the fuck did you let this happen?"

"P-Please, don't blame Takano-san, it's completely my mistake-"

"I don't need you to defend _me,_ Onodera- go help Hatori and Kisa with the phones."

Takano had snapped even though he didn't mean to. But he didn't know what was annoying him more- the very situation they were in or the fact that Ritsu was begging to be forgiven. Ritsu quickly gathered his things and left the room as ordered.

"Look, I'll handle it. Tell sales I'm sorry- but just give me an hour."

"Takano," Yokozawa growled. "He doesn't look safe."

Masamune turned to face his friend. He couldn't help but to give him a wide-eyed look.

"What are you talking about?"

"He looks like you- when you were in college. He looks worse. It's dangerous."

The pair lit their cigarettes and Takano let out a deep sigh.

"He should be on a temporary leave, not just for the company."

"I know that-"

"Then why aren't you letting him rest?"

"Because!" Takano cursed. "Because no one can care for him- at least at work I'll be able to keep an eye on him."

Yokozawa stared back. He was starting to worry in a way he didn't think possible.

"But think of what he's going through- this is not the right environment for him to be in-"

"I know, fuck, I know. But I can't- I can't let him leave."

Yokozawa watched as Takano shook his head. He was loosely shaking.

"…Why not, Masamune?" He asked carefully as he studied his closest friend.

"Because he belongs to me."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary:** Ritsu talked more when he was drunk and Takano initially thought it could fill the awkward silences between them. But as days go by, Takano begins to notice a particular pattern of behavior with Ritsu that makes him question his own mental health. TakanoxRitsu

 **Author's Note:** Thank you all for the generous reviews, I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter. It's been difficult (and it will continue to be difficult) to depict Ritsu in 'character' even when he's "not himself;" honestly I've been just letting my imagination do most of the work for me... However, it's really important to me that these characters stay within the realm of what Nakamura-sensei intends to portray them as, so I can promise you that I always try to stay within the boundaries of my interpretation (and not just let my imagination go wild.) But if I do fail- well, hopefully, you guys won't mind a little discrepancy especially since the story is dark... Other than staying-in-character, what I am most concerned with is the idea that Ritsu is currently in an unhealthy state of mind (and I don't intend to romanticize this) but I want to ask the readers if they think Takano, the obvious choice, is actually the right person to help Ritsu. I, of course, have nothing against Takano (he's my favorite character, really) but I just thought it would be interesting to further complicate their relationship. Hint: Ritsu is not the only one. Hope you enjoy the new chapter and thank you all for reading.

Intoxication

Selective memory Takano had once called it.

Onodera Ritsu had exhibited such behavior before- like when he remembered only certain parts of the night despite waking up the next morning covered in kiss marks. There were days he certainly chose to ignore the burning pain that occasionally spread from his lower back and a part of Ritsu knew that he didn't actually want to find out why he was in such situations to begin with. Besides- Takano was growing used to it by now.

Hence he must've had _some_ idea- finding his supervisor in his bed, unclothed and asleep beside him, under the same covers day after day. Ritsu always made sure to leave for work before Takano got up to avoid any confrontation. He didn't feel like a good man about it, constantly running from something just because it seemed slightly more than 'problematic,' but Ritsu knew he wasn't a very honest person anyway.

So when Ritsu ran into Yokozawa, it felt like it was a necessary and inevitable consequence in his life. There was no way he would get away with avoiding Takano for so long- no way in hell. Yet as bitter as he was, meeting Takano in the conference room while he was being reprimanded was nonetheless humiliating, no matter how necessary it was in the course of Ritsu's deteriorating life.

Both Yokozawa and Takano had legitimate reasons to be angry, but to admit his fault was what ultimately crushed Ritsu. He needed to calm down. He needed to find a way to compose himself before he lost it. Ritsu was particularly good at compartmentalizing, especially from his professional and personal life, and consequently if he were to have a panic attack at Marukawa he knew he would never forgive himself.

After being dismissed by Takano, Ritsu rushed into the bathroom before turning into the editing department. He locked himself into one of the stalls and breathed deeply for air. He was starting to get a migraine but he continued to breathe harshly, almost painfully, and positioned himself against the wall as he sat on the toilet seat. He took both his hands and pressed them deeply around his own neck- briefly stopping the oxygen flow to his brain and enabling a quick fainting spell. He regained consciousness almost instantaneously but woke up light-headed and numb. This was becoming a habit. He liked the feeling of intense pressure around his skin and sometimes his neck would still have deep, crimson marks of his own fingers. Usually he would get away from the troublesome attention by wearing his scarf for the rest of the day. The marks themselves would eventually fade, just like how through this little trick his sudden manifestation of intense emotions would fade into numbness. In the midst of this clever process he would forget what he was so upset about, what made him feel the way he felt, and ultimately forget the man that he was. He didn't care if it was dangerous, let alone masochistic; he thought this behavior was a technique, a tool to help him survive the rest of the day.

Ritsu got up and closed his eyes. He had to put on his mask now- the face of Onodera Ritsu, the man who in the eyes of others had everything he ever wanted.

Kisa and Hatori managed to get most of the situation under control. It was up to sales now and Takano was downstairs to talk to whomever he needed to, though it was never a part of his responsibilities. Ritsu knew that Takano was cleaning up after him but now he lacked the courage to ask Takano to stop.

"Ricchan, don't worry too much- I'm sure they will take care of it. Besides, we all make mistakes time to time." Kisa tapped his shoulder as he hung up the phone. Ritsu flinched at the sudden physical contact. "Woah, Ricchan, you're so thin-" Kisa's hands suddenly grabbed both sides, his fingers unintentionally burying into Ritsu's back muscles. "I can feel your bones, it doesn't feel normal at all."

Hatori turned to notice when Kisa's voice was markedly alarming and Mino watched closely. Ritsu's heart began to beat faster as he felt their unified gaze, unable to formulate a proper response- a proper lie.

"Is everything alright?" Hatori finally broke the silence and Ritsu answered as calmly as possible.

"I'm fine. I just haven't been eating regularly because of work- but that's all of us, right?" He sounded nervous and he prayed none of them would notice.

Mino shook his head and handed Ritsu a vitamin drink.

"None of us skip our meals- it's dangerous if you keep this up."

"You already went to the hospital for malnutrition, you can't keep doing this to yourself." Kisa added. His co-worker sounded genuinely worried. In fact, all of them were.

Yet in this moment, Ritsu felt disgusted with himself.

Not only was he failing to take care of himself, he was being noticed by others. If his co-workers were worried, then how much had Takano seen?

"I'll be careful, I'm sorry for worrying you all." He let out a smile, quickly converting his anxiety into another lie. Thankfully Kisa gave him a hug before letting go and the rest went back to work without any more suspicion.

Ritsu was grateful for their concern. They were caring, no matter how hectic things got, and if Ritsu remained here, he knew he was slowly becoming everyone's burden. He had to hurry home before his mask came off and revealed him for who he really was: a failure.

He wanted to taste the burn of his whiskey. He wanted to drown in its bittersweet flavor- lose himself in its acidity. He enjoyed not remembering who he was and it was easier to displace his depression into a hangover.

Ritsu once again left work before facing Takano. He found himself secluded in his own escape.

* * *

" _Belongs_ to you?"

It hurt when it was repeated back to him. But when reality forced Takano to face the truth, it stung even more when he realized they were his very words that came out from his own mouth.

"I-I didn't mean it."

Takano hesitated and Yokozawa instantly noticed; he had never seen Takano act this way before.

"You were never possessive, not with money, not with objects, certainly never with people-"

"I said I didn't mean it." Takano curtly growled, but Yokozawa continued.

"Then let him go, let him take some time off, he doesn't have to quit. I'll explain to Isaka if you need support-"

"I got it under control."

"Clearly you fucking don't. Look at yourself Takano- you're trying so hard to hold onto him that you can't see that you're suffocating him."

It happened all too quickly.

In a sudden movement Takano grabbed Yokozawa's collar and pushed him against the wall. While Yokozawa was surprised by his friend's unforeseen behavior he remained calm and raised his arms to show that he was defenseless.

After a moment of stillness Yokozawa finally opened his mouth, "Do you think I say this because I care about _him_?"

Immediately Takano loosened his grasp and cursed.

"Or do you think I'm telling _you_ all this bullshit because you're my best friend?"

Yokozawa's rhetorical question left Takano feeling humiliated. He had never been so aggressive with his closest friend and his hostile behavior revealed just how unstable he was at this moment.

Takano apologized and covered his eyes. He couldn't help but to remember all the times he had been so selfish with Ritsu. Did he ever resist him when he was clearly expressing his pain through sex, rather than emotional intimacy? Did Takano truly _try_ to comfort Ritsu in ways that weren't ultimately benefiting himself? In the end he knew his desire for Ritsu was too great and too selfish for him to let him go- even if it meant risking Ritsu's safety.

"…What do I do, Takafumi?" Takano couldn't keep his head up. He held his head with his long fingers as they painfully rubbed the temples of his headache.

"Let him rest. I know you're strong enough to keep things up around here, but I don't know about him. I doubt he'll last a month."

Takano nodded slowly as he began to visualize the tasks set out for him.

"Masamune… I also think you should give yourself some time to be alone. If you're worried about him I'll have your team check up on him time to time."

"Fuck…" Takano cursed. He knew he wasn't ready to stop seeing Ritsu, even if it were temporarily. He had never felt this useless and it hurt too much to care. But the worst feeling was not being able to differentiate whether the pain came from prioritizing his own desires or worrying for Ritsu's well being.

"But first, he needs to hear it from you. And you need to also realize this is temporary and this is for the better. Do you understand, Takano?"

Yokozawa's words continued to sting but they sobered him as harshly as the cold, winter winds. Masamune nodded and it was then when his friend put his arm around his shoulder and whispered to his ear. "He's stronger than you think, don't worry too much."

Takano looked at his friend and finally let out a crooked smile.

"Let's hope I'm at least half as strong as he is."

* * *

Both Takano and Yokozawa were able to catch Isaka before he was off for the night and the two explained the situation as least problematic as possible. Thankfully Isaka didn't pry, seeing as how badly the two were trying to cover up a sensitive matter, and agreed to Onodera's temporary paid leave. He gave Ritsu three months, a very generous condition, but Isaka explained that it was his way of expressing support for his fellow colleague.

"I don't know what's exactly going on and frankly, I don't care. But I might be able to take a wild guess and trust me, it's never easy being the son of a company. Isn't he an only child?"

"Yes, he is." Takano replied.

"How fun- the burdens of society weighed evenly on his shoulders with no extra help from anyone else."

Both Takano and Yokozawa stood silently as Isaka grabbed his coat.

"And he's the type to not make mistakes, isn't he? A perfectionist like you, Takano, except it's worse- he cares a little too much." Isaka clicked his tongue. "Do you need an assistant or something?"

"No, the team and I can handle it."

Isaka shrugged and waved goodbye.

"We've all had our slumps, haven't we? Let's just say it's better late than never."

The two men were dismissed for the day and naturally found themselves resting at the smoking area of the lobby floor.

"I didn't exactly expect him to sympathize, but wasn't he a little too casual?" Yokozawa couldn't help but to wonder out loud regarding the company-head's behavior.

Takano shook his head as he inhaled his cigarette.

"If anything, Isaka would know more about Ritsu's condition than anyone of us. I think he was just trying to reassure us that it'll pass."

Yokozawa grumbled as he lit his cigarette.

"Then he would know more of the gravity of the situation, wouldn't he?"

"But bitching and moaning won't change anything- and besides, you'll have me doing my part."

Yokozawa turned to face Takano and Takano gave him a small smile. Yokozawa was relieved. It seemed like Takano was coming back to his senses and his usual self.

Takano sent Yokozawa off with the same smile when he watched him leave Marukawa. But inside Takano there was a storm that he couldn't ignore.

The conditions were set- he even realized what his true fears were today- and now all he had to do was find the courage to tell Ritsu that he ultimately wanted him to be safe, _especially_ from him. He didn't know how Ritsu was going to react, mainly because Takano knew how Ritsu had been so career-driven all his life. He also didn't know if Ritsu would want Takano to stay or to go. Takano had never ventured to think about the ever leaving him since Ritsu had walked into Marukawa the very first day. But Takano knew one thing.

He knew that if he were to see Ritsu's face right now, he would have to fight the very urge to kiss him- to hold him and caress him, and resist the very desire to make him his own.

When did he become so… dangerous?

All he did was buy a six-pack of beer at the convenience store closest to their station and had him over for the night. It just felt so good when he could quietly watch him loosen up and sometimes Ritsu would just as quietly relax and unravel. It was as if Ritsu was finally comfortable in his presence, he pushed aside their job relationship and their past, and found comfort as the two of them here in the present. Other times he would come to life, full of emotions- anger, fear, happiness, but these were all possible only when Ritsu would forget his insecurities. Alcohol seemed to help him do that.

But just when Takano thought they were becoming close Ritsu would build higher and thicker walls between them when he was sober. He was becoming more aware of how vulnerable he felt when they drank together and Takano couldn't remember the last time he brought the six-pack home. Alcohol became so readily available at Ritsu's apartment and Ritsu no longer waited for Takano to be there to start drinking.

 _Alcoholic._

Is such word adequate to describe Ritsu's behavior? Does that fully encompass his fears, his depression, his scars? Takano knew Ritsu was growing more masochistic as the days went by but a part of him justified such behavior. After all, he used to do the same when he was so numb and aching. That's what Takano needed to remember now. He needed to remember that when Ritsu is seducing him for sex, in the very moment that Takano succumbs to his desires, he was becoming an instrument of pain. The quieter Ritsu became, the deeper his fears were swallowing him whole.

* * *

Takano knocked on Ritsu's door.

As usual, Ritsu opened the door only after a silent moment came to pass. Takano had waited in stillness, gathering his thoughts and preparing himself for the confrontation. However, when the door opened Takano avoided Ritsu's eyes and entered the apartment in taciturnity.

"What are you doing here?" Ritsu was clearly agitated but Takano continued to remain silent as he entered the living room. Ritsu watched as Takano began to clean the living room, gathering the empty bottles and trash on the messy floor.

"Get out- _now."_ Ritsu spoke firmly, taken aback by Takano's silent entrance, and he no longer felt confident to even seduce him- although that was what usually happened next. Takano continued to clean the glasses on the floor and Ritsu quickly leaned over to finish the last of his wine when Takano quickly snatched away his wineglass.

"Go wash your face."

Ritsu laughed, despite being startled at Takano's firm control. Ritsu didn't care.

"Or what? Are you going to hit me?"

"I would never hit you. But I have something important to discuss with you and I need you to sober up."

Ritsu laughed again.

"You're not very fun today, Takano, but you keep making me laugh. Do you want me to take off my clothes?"

Takano firmly grasped the hand that began to unbutton Ritsu's shirt and stopped it from moving further.

"No. I don't want you, Onodera."

Ritsu's eyes had widened but Takano pretended to not notice.

"I need you to go wash your face. It's about Marukawa."

Ritsu glared as Takano remained unresponsive to his temper.

"Why are we talking about work? Is that your new leverage?"

Ritsu had been twisted- usually filled with sarcasm and cynical, but today he was different. He was angry.

"Fine. If you think I am constantly trying to control you- here it is. You're done. We don't need you- _I_ don't need you."

"What did you just say to me?"

"If you can't even take care of your self, how are you going to take care of your authors? You want to fuck them over like you did today?"

Ritsu was able to feel his shame manifesting through a painful vomit. He ran to the bathroom and ejected a great amount of liquor without control.

Takano could hear Ritsu's agonizing moans and it shattered every piece of his heart. Even his body was failing him now- and it hurt to be so unforgiving.

Takano watched as Ritsu barely carry himself out of the bathroom and when Ritsu stumbled, Takano could no longer just stand away. He quickly held the brunet in his arms and embraced him as he fought his tears.

"I-I'm not drunk anymore, Takano-san…" He heard him whisper and Takano hugged him tighter. "P-Please don't make me leave. Please let me stay… I'll do better, I'll do better-" Ritsu was crying and his thin body clung to Takano's arms as he continued to beg.

"D-Don't make me go."

"You're not going anywhere. You're staying with me."

Takano reassured him, but Ritsu continued to sob as remained in his arms. When Ritsu finally quieted down Takano felt a different kind of movement and so he let go- and watched as Ritsu quietly undress himself, revealing a pale, thin body.

"Ritsu, what- what are you doing?"

"Y-You're letting me stay- you're letting me stay with you and this is all that I can o-offer."

Takano froze at Ritsu's behavior. He didn't know what to say and he knew he couldn't protect Ritsu when the brunet leaned over to kiss him.

"You don't have to do this."

"Am I not good enough?"

Takano pulled away and caressed Ritsu's cheek.

"You're everything to me, you're more than what I deserve."

"Then why aren't you holding me?"

Tears remained on his eyes as Ritsu continued to kiss Takano. Ritsu's hands guided Takano's to caress him. He was so sensitive, moaning with every trace of his fingers, and Takano knew he was losing his sense of control.

"Ritsu, stop."

Takano had asserted when he felt Ritsu's tongue between his thighs but the brunet shook his head and continued. It only drove Takano wild and he knew he could no longer stop.

Takano quickly carried the brunet to the bedroom and embraced him fervidly. There was a sense of predation as Takano lost his control. He penetrated Ritsu in deprivation and the brunet screamed his name.

He was painfully beautiful, lying underneath him. The way he would hold onto his arms as if they were pillars that protected his body, when in truth it was Takano that was the source of his pain. When Takano finally released inside him, Ritsu tightened around him in despite the discomfort.

"Don't leave me, Takano-san…" He heard him whisper and all Takano could do was cry.

"W-Why are you crying? Are you going to leave me?"

Takano shook his head. He felt so ashamed for not being able to control himself and for not able to comforting Ritsu in a way that he deserved to be comforted.

"I'm never going to leave you, Ritsu. I'll always be here."

"Do you promise? I c-can still go to work, right? I can still be a part of your life?"

"Ritsu… No. You have to get better first- you have to take care of yourself."

Ritsu's eyes widened and quickly escaped Takano's embrace.

"But you just held me- you and I just- d-did you just _use_ me?"

"Ritsu, please- I love you. I love you more than I love myself- I need you to get better." Takano was crying harder but it only hurt Ritsu.

"No! You can't tell me that you love me and tell me to leave!" There was fear in his eyes as Takano tried to embrace the brunet once more.

"It's temporary, it's for you- it's so that you can get better." Takano begged. "I can't protect you anymore- I can't even protect you from myself."

Ritsu slammed his arm against the nightstand and instantly bled from a cut. Takano quickly grabbed both Ritsu's arms to regrain him from moving any further.

"Fine, Takano-san. Tell me to leave. Tell me to go since I am nothing but a nuisance."

"Ritsu, please, this is not-"

"But you'll fuck me when you miss me, won't you? You'll just use me again. Let me go."

Onodera forcefully pulled away and walked off to the kitchen. Takano cursed as he heard another bottle open and pour into a glass. He ran to stop Ritsu but he froze when he saw the brunet holding a knife against his neck.


End file.
